I Took Care of Everyone Else and Forgot About Myself

How your mind quietly turns simple self care into something overwhelming

Recently, I’ve realized something uncomfortable: 

I’m really good at taking care of everyone else.

And not so great at taking care of myself.

It sounds simple enough, right?

“Take care of yourself.”

 But it’s easier said than done.

We live in a world that constantly emphasizes putting other people first. And while that can be a beautiful thing, it also makes it really easy to slowly push your own needs aside…

until your health, energy, and overall well-being become an afterthought.

I’ve definitely fallen into that pattern more than once.

When “Selflessness” Isn’t What It Seems

Of course, I care deeply about showing up for the people I love. 

I want to be there for my husband, my family, and my friends in any way I can. But I’ve started to realize that what I used to label as “selflessness” wasn’t always that. A lot of the time, it was just me neglecting myself.

And eventually, that catches up to you – in ways you don’t always notice right away.

Starting Small

You’ve probably heard the saying, “you can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself.” It’s one of those things that sounds cliché until you actually start experiencing it for yourself. The older I get, the more I realize how true it is.

So lately, my goal has been pretty simple: remind myself to take care of me, too.

Not in some huge, life-changing way – but in small, consistent ways that actually stick.

For me, that looks like:

• Drinking plenty of water (which I’m notoriously bad at)

• Getting outside and going on walks with my dog when the weather allows

• And making an effort to eat real, balanced meals – even when I don’t feel like it

And that’s where it gets complicated for me.

When Your Brain Gets in the Way

These things sound easy. Almost too simple. But they’re not always easy for me. Especially with ADHD.

If your brain works anything like mine, you know how quickly small tasks can feel overwhelming.

Something as simple as taking a shower can turn into this overwhelming mental checklist: I need to shampoo, condition, shave, scrub, dry off, brush my hair, wash my face, moisturize…

Before I even start, I feel exhausted.

And then once I finally do it, I always think:
“Okay… that wasn’t nearly as bad as I made it out to be.”

Learning to Challenge My Thoughts

That’s been one of the biggest wake-up calls for me. My brain isn’t always working with me – it’s often working against me. The hardest part? It’s very convincing.

So instead of letting those thoughts take over, I’ve started trying something different.

I pause, and I challenge them.

For example:

“I’m behind on cleaning. When I get home, I have to clean the bathrooms.”

Turns into:

“Wait. I’m not home right now. I don’t need to worry about that yet. Just focus on what I’m doing – and maybe drink some water.”

Or:

“I have to do everything when I get home.”

Becomes:

“Maybe. But walking first might actually help me feel better – and that matters more.”

It sounds small, but that shift has made a huge difference.

Rewriting the Narrative

If you’ve ever been to therapy, you probably recognize this. A lot of it comes down to learning how to retrain your thoughts:

• Noticing them

• Questioning them

• And replacing them with something that actually helps

That’s how I’ve started to approach self-care.

Not as something I “should” be better at, but as something I’m actively learning. And honestly, one of the most helpful tools for me has been journaling. Which is a big reason I decided to start writing here.

A Small but Meaningful Shift

Getting my thoughts out of my head and onto a page helps me process things in a way that just thinking about them never does. And reading other people’s experiences reminds me that I’m not the only one figuring this out as I go.

Because really, that’s what this is.

Figuring it out.

I don’t have a perfect routine. I don’t have everything balanced. But I’m starting to pay attention, to be more intentional, and to treat myself with the same care I try to give everyone else.

And that feels like a good place to start.

I’ll be sharing more of the self-care practices I’m trying – not because I have all the answers, but because I know I’m not the only one trying to find what works.